Joe Massingham, in his own words, cannot remember the last time he spoke to someone who wasn’t either a runner, an engineer, or a member of his family. To be honest, that probably tells you everything you need to know about the boy, but given there’s little chance he’s going to tell you any more, this profile continues…
There are but three things Joe loves in this life. One is CUH&H. Another is one particular CUH&H alumnus. And the third is getting CUH&H from the place they currently are to another, different, place. Indeed, this former CUH&H captain is said to consider the moving of his member(s) as his primary passion. From the cuppers bus and the Hyde Park Relays train, to the “I used to be awkward with girls so there’s still hope for you, buddy”, hareys can expect to be moved both physically and emotionally by Joe at least two or three times per term.
One thing that Joe does not love, however, is people who fail to fulfil their duty to the club. These duties include credulous acceptance of bus departure times that end :55; managing not to develop any of the litany of acute audiovisual impairments that have been known to arise for the 48 hours surrounding boundary run; and, yes, remembering to write his committee profile. Failure to comply with these requirements is a one-way route to Massingham’s bad books (not to be confused with his bad bookmarks), wherein a condemned harey can expect to find him or herself ruthlessly tutted at and, pending confirmation against Joe’s encyclopaedic knowledge of Power of 10, nominated for NARP status.
The intended author of this profile (Jeremy Dempsey), now onto his 47th offence, finds himself immunised from the latter punishment by virtue of his 1:50, 3:42, sub-5 mile, and 8:03. But he had better watch out for the once and future king of Wimbledon Common. With demolishing Oxford now a given, taking down the internal competition may well be on Joe’s mind as thoughts begin to turn to the mud.